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Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
