you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
