It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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