Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
