I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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