apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
