Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
