Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
