Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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