i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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