I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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