Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
