it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
