So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
