You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
