Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize