I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
