Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
