please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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