god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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