I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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