i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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