So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My pussy is not your playground.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
