if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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