Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
