Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
