the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize