I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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