im drinking this country out of the recession.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
