Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
