Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
