Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize