I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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