Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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