Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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