After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
