Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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