i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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