if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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