Are we in a gay sports bar?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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