Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
