A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
