Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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