In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
