his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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