rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
