I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
