just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
