Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
