after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
