I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
