What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
