I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
