just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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