yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize