Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
