if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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