Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize