Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
